Caleb Echterling

The Importance of Proper Footwear

Gerald kicked everyone he met in the crotch. Acquaintances from the bar, colleagues from work, or strangers at the mall were all fair game for a below-the-belt greeting.

Everyone hated him, on account of the crotch-kicking.

Gerald’s social life withered away to nothing. He asked his one remaining friend why.

“Dude, you kick everyone in the crotch. And I, for one, do not appreciate it.”

A long period of introspection led Gerald to seek spiritual guidance. He donned flowing robes of the style not recommended for mountain climbing, and climbed the holiest mountain he could find, Mt. Fuck Me? No, Fuck You.

At the peak, he found a guru deep in meditation. “O holy guru,” Gerald said, “how can I get people to like me?”

The guru opened one eye, and glared. “Aren’t you the guy who kicks everyone in the crotch?” Gerald confirmed his identity with a sad nod. “Dude, ditch the Ugg boots. They are so last year. Get a pair of Timberlands. That’s what all the cool kids wear.”

Caleb Echterling makes his own hot sauce. He tweets funny fiction using the not so clever handle @CalebEchterling. You can find more of his work at