the mothening
Keeps the moths away they say
Mint.
Does it? I say, Tim
Yes Clint - it does
Says Tim, my friend -
A man of scant knowledge
But a trove of weird facts.
I lift up my pint and try to remember a time before the moth infestation. It’s been really bad, I must gesture with my eyes because he says I know and pushes the bag of Mini Cheddars across the table to me. I go to take one but I notice that there is a fresh hole bored into the sleeve of my expensive cashmere jumper and I say nonchalantly Geez, they even have a taste for jumpers but inside I am crying. All of my clothes have holes in them. Soon I fear they will start to eat my other possessions. This is how it all begins, I say, like I’m lined up for the lead role in a sci-fi. Face like Reeves - dead behind the eyes; an inanimate plank. I hold a cracker in each hand as if one was red and one was blue and eat one, hoping I’d wake up.
take it easy.
have a mojito. have some wrigleys gum. have a b&h menthol. Have some wrigleys gum. have too many after eights. Have some wrigleys gum. have some on your lamb. brush your teeth and piss off to bed. invest in stocks and shares. get minted. buy a statement green yacht. join a golf club. get some hip new mates. Get your first hole in one. Have a cigar with a super strong trebor mint. Eat an entire vienetta alone in bed. Eat a block of aero. eat a mint feast. Get fat. Go on a mint “tea-tox”. Get ill. Get thin. Go vegan. Accidentally eat lamb kofta at conference. Fast forward two years. Fat again. Marijuana. Go cold turkey. Hallucinate some. Mid-life crisis. Try mushrooms. Hallucinate a lot. See 4th dimension. Lizards etc. Fuck. Patch up tear in reality. Move on with life. Take it easy. Have some wrigleys gum. Invest in wrigleys gum. Become the CEO of wrigleys gum. Change name to ‘wrigley’ by deed poll. Buy some new mates. Buy Nauru - smallest island country in the world. Live only according to fleeting whims and base desires. Reenact entire scenes from Castaway. Piss off to the hammock. Plot murder of indiginous people. Lick frogs. Eat frogs. Revisit 4th dimensional lizard situation. Fuck. patch up tear in reality. Move on with life. Sell island. Write formal apologies to indiginous people of Nauru. Get sued for negligence. Go bankrupt. Live in the park. Have a pre-mixed mojito in a bag. Take it easy.
Ben Armstrong is a poet from the
Black Country, UK. Known for his love of surreal and hyperreal imagery, he
often eschews other more sensible aims to hurtle blindly toward this end. Often
times, this has led to a complete lack of interest in his work though he
occasionally writes ‘the hits’. He is an alumnus of David Morley’s Warwick
Writing Programme and his poems have featured in a number of online journals
and zines. His first collection of poetry, Perennial,
is out now (Knives, Forks and Spoons Press, 2019).
Keeps the moths away they say
Mint.
Does it? I say, Tim
Yes Clint - it does
Says Tim, my friend -
A man of scant knowledge
But a trove of weird facts.
I lift up my pint and try to remember a time before the moth infestation. It’s been really bad, I must gesture with my eyes because he says I know and pushes the bag of Mini Cheddars across the table to me. I go to take one but I notice that there is a fresh hole bored into the sleeve of my expensive cashmere jumper and I say nonchalantly Geez, they even have a taste for jumpers but inside I am crying. All of my clothes have holes in them. Soon I fear they will start to eat my other possessions. This is how it all begins, I say, like I’m lined up for the lead role in a sci-fi. Face like Reeves - dead behind the eyes; an inanimate plank. I hold a cracker in each hand as if one was red and one was blue and eat one, hoping I’d wake up.
take it easy.
have a mojito. have some wrigleys gum. have a b&h menthol. Have some wrigleys gum. have too many after eights. Have some wrigleys gum. have some on your lamb. brush your teeth and piss off to bed. invest in stocks and shares. get minted. buy a statement green yacht. join a golf club. get some hip new mates. Get your first hole in one. Have a cigar with a super strong trebor mint. Eat an entire vienetta alone in bed. Eat a block of aero. eat a mint feast. Get fat. Go on a mint “tea-tox”. Get ill. Get thin. Go vegan. Accidentally eat lamb kofta at conference. Fast forward two years. Fat again. Marijuana. Go cold turkey. Hallucinate some. Mid-life crisis. Try mushrooms. Hallucinate a lot. See 4th dimension. Lizards etc. Fuck. Patch up tear in reality. Move on with life. Take it easy. Have some wrigleys gum. Invest in wrigleys gum. Become the CEO of wrigleys gum. Change name to ‘wrigley’ by deed poll. Buy some new mates. Buy Nauru - smallest island country in the world. Live only according to fleeting whims and base desires. Reenact entire scenes from Castaway. Piss off to the hammock. Plot murder of indiginous people. Lick frogs. Eat frogs. Revisit 4th dimensional lizard situation. Fuck. patch up tear in reality. Move on with life. Sell island. Write formal apologies to indiginous people of Nauru. Get sued for negligence. Go bankrupt. Live in the park. Have a pre-mixed mojito in a bag. Take it easy.
