Benzo Brain #2 [am]
why did oma leave her baby on the street// tante hid babies from the
nazis// uncle george died camped near bowling green// i hate the confederacy
and the nazis// i love oma i’ll write a poem about her// your dad tried to
murder me when you were a baby// it’s true// i hate him// i hate mauve// i hate
the word mauve// don’t tell me where to park// broccoli beef for lunch// the
gate scares me// i hate whales// weeds weeds weeds// why did oma leave her baby
on the street//
i made it all up
Benzo Brain #3
“Here’s a list of my
symptoms.” I’m not
crazy. Look. I’m nice.
See, doc, I smile. “Your
tests are normal.” I’m
not crazy. “How often
did you see Dr. Brown, dear?”
I’m not crazy. EMDR.
“You’re blocked. A dam
holds you back.” I’m
not crazy, CPTSD. “Let’s
try a little
Klonopin.”
“Fuck you! I’m not crazy!”
Fuckin’ pieces of shit.
Condescending,
white-coat
pushers. I hate you.
Benzo Brain #4
All my dollies said
“Look out the window!
Now! They are
coming,
They’re going to kill you!
Listen!” [My dolls never
lie to me.] OK. A
deathly
pallor embraced my
face.
Hair falls out in
clumps.
Falling in the
basement
The floor is not
that dirty.
My soul floats,
glowing over
me ….. ohhhhhhhhhhh
so beautiful. Jesus,
take
me. I’m ready. Love You.
Bye, bye, dollies.
Benzo Brain #5
It’s dark. Hansel left
me alone. All men
leave.
None have ever loved
me. I don’t care. Hansel is
only a diminutive of
Hans.
Useless. Silly.
Pretty boy.
Take all the
gingerbread.
Bread crumbs, the
birds ate.
[I dig through horse
shit.
I’ll find the pony.] Someone
whispers, “Don’t give up.
I love you.” Not mom;
not dad. Time and
Patience
arrive with shiny
pebbles.
Strong men swaddle
me.
Their cloaks pulled
tight
around. Easy.
Breathe 5-5-5.
Martha Ellen lives alone in an old Victorian house on a hill on the Oregon coast. Retired social worker. History of social justice activism. Old hippie. MFA. Poems and prose published in various journals and online forums including North Coast Squid, oddball magazine, Unlikely Stories Mark V, Down in the Dirt Magazine, Hot Potato Magazine, Marrow Magazine, Persimmon Tree, Poem Alone, Silver Birch Press, Spindrift, Synchronized Chaos, The Blue Bird Word, WELL READ magazine, Writing in a Woman’s Voice and others. She writes to process her wild life.