CAR
I struggled with the steering
wheel, trying to keep the car on the road. Which safety system had failed?
Probably the AEB, unless it was the FCW, AES or the LKA. Maybe the RCTW? To add
to my problems, the car was emitting noxious gas, ticking like a bomb &
cursing like a sailor.
TITANIC
The cops caught up to me on
the Titanic. When they started shooting I ducked behind the captain. I mean he
was going to die anyway, right? As it turned out he wasn’t much of a shield.
While the cops were arguing with Leonardo DiCaprio & historians, I ran back
to the time machine.
THE FLYING NUN
I asked him if flying nuns
ever existed. He said no and showed me a bunch of equations to prove it. I ran
the numbers a couple of times and they checked out. So I guess flying nuns
never existed. But sometimes, when I’m alone in my room with the lights out, I
wonder if they did.
THE BALLOON BUILDING
Why was Jeff Koons chosen as
architect? His buildings were dangerous, stupid & surprisingly inexpensive
to construct for something so stupid. Take the Balloon Building which, within
three weeks, kept slowly getting smaller & losing its shape, until finally
somebody stepped on it.
DALLAS
One of the cops saw me at the
Texas School Book Depository building & yelled at me to get out of here.
Police only. I was about to tell him I had a perfect right to be here because I
was JFK’s assassin. But I decided it would be wiser to remain silent. I’d let
him win this round.
Mike Topp was born in Washington, D.C. and currently lives in New York City unless he has died or moved. He's recently been published in the Brooklyn Rail, HAD and X-R-A-Y Literary Magazine, and has been interviewed by Ben Niespodziany. He has collaborated on books with Sparrow and Raymond Pettibon.